What to do?

Well here it is 1:30am. It's now the last day of May. One day I'll sleep a whole night.

This past month has not been the best. My depression has been winning a lot. This has been the hardest month out of the past 6 or so months. My income is so low I'll be dipping into the credit cards again. Oh well. I managed to keep out of them for the past 2 months so that's something. So why am I up at this hour?

It's woman troubles. I love my girlfriend. She's neat. She's intelligent, she's kind and she's funny. Pretty good looking to boot. The trouble is she's also often unavailable. It's not her fault dear reader. Please don't frown upon her. When we were first going out she was here 4 nights a week. Hey I would have liked more but I was cool with that much. But over time this has dropped down to where I'm getting 1 night sometimes 2 nights a week. She's got a property she's doing up and winter is coming and she's trying to get things sorted before winter really kicks in. (Southern hemisphere here.  Winter is a month away). But it's been hard on me. With loosing my drive over the hospital (you need to look back at my earlier posts for that) I really needed some company but she hasn't been available and now the thing I have also been trying to avoid thinking about is looming. She has some gypsy tendancies and has been needing to roam. She's going in 20 days and will not be back for a good 6 weeks or more.  I fear that dear reader may just break me. But convincing her not to go may just break her.

I'm in a difficult place. Normally I would place her needs above mine. It's why I have been ensuring she gets that time she needs at her place. It's an hour away from here.
But 6 weeks alone. Dear reader I don't know what to do. I'm not in a good state. I'm lost over this. She's lost over it too. How can I put my needs over hers? But how broken will I become?

What becomes of the broken hearted?