Friday night

I used to love Friday night. I would sit down with my wife and spend the evening watching TV. I know it doesn't sound exciting but I loved those nights. No work. I always put it aside. Just time together.

My not girlfriend said she was coming tonight. But then she couldn't. Again. She can't come a lot after saying she is coming.

Women are confusing. I don't understand them.

I need to learn to be alone. I'm working on it. Still got a way to go.

One less reason to be here I guess.

Relay 4 Life :(

I, fucking, loathe, relay, 4, life!!!!


What a fucking crock!!!!! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!!! I walked 15km for relay for life!!!!
Whoopdy fucking shit. You walked circles to make yourself feel better. If you want to make a difference find someone with cancer, go do their housework or gardening, cook a meal, look after their kids for a bit, or even sit with them and keep them company. Not walk around a fucking track you stupid twat! You aren't helping. "oh I'm raising money for cancer" I hear them say. No. You are raising money to pay a bunch of executives their salaries.

Nooo you say, its going to research. 10%, 10% goes to research, which is given primarily to the large pharmaceutical companies who don't really need it in the first place. Its a token payment so they look good.

Seriously, go help people with cancer not the big so called charities.

I give up

This whole wanting someone to stop the loneliness.

Its not going to happen. Women have become too complicated.

If you are an asshole then you are a bad person
If you are a nice guy you are trying to trap them and so just as bad if not worse than an asshole.

If you don't show emotion then you are bad for being distant.
If you show emotion then you are reveling in being a victim.


I give. OK? You all win. Alone is easier.

Teeth

My teeth are stuffed. A lot have fallen out the remaining ones are not good. To get it fixed I have to put my life in the hands of the people who killed my wife. And go into more debt. And endure more pain.

One of my teeth has become sensitive to hot and cold. I'm hoping it will come right. Brushing with sensodyne toothpaste. I suspect it's not going to. But still wishing it will.

I hate my life. I want to die.

Just all around shitty

So after a depression filled weekend and a depression filled week I have a shitty difficult afternoon at work, then my daughter wrecks her mouse doing what I told her not to do and when I'm explaining it to my not girlfriend she basically tells me I'm a shitty parent.

Fuck the world. I don't want to be here any more.

Insomnia and nightmares

I don't know what's worse, awake from 3am for a few hours worrying about my job and money or the brutal nightmare I had when I finally fell asleep.

My life has no meaning, no purpose apart from my daughter. If she wasn't on the scene I could end it.

Stupid day

Today I had to go to my not girlfriends place to stand there so a builder would stop being a twat. It stresses me out being in those situations. Once I got back I decided to have lunch and calm down ready for work. As I sat and ate I looked in Facebook only to find it had been one year since I met with the hospital over them killing my wife.

Hard stressful day.

My body is braking down. It hurts and fails in so many way.

Sick of it all.