Hurt me

She hurt me last night.

I don't know if she realizes it was her. I couldn't take it. Went for a drive to clear my head.
Nice letter and hugs when I got back.

It's next morning and I'm still hurting bad.

See it through. Push through.

I know. But the cost is huge.

Broken

I don't know

Clothes dryer is stuffed. I'm so low on funds, work has dried up. A client is being difficult over paying me.

And I feel so lonely. I want to hold on to someone for a while. To love and be loved.
Tried to voice it on a site of "caring" people. Got crap for it. Deleted it.

Fuck my life. Some one please kill me. Do it in such a way the girls get a good payout. Preferably in a painless for me way.

Nightmares

A blue man made of diamond, about to be ground to dust between 2 giant stone hands. Accepting of his fate. Not wanting it but knowing its inevitable. Being done by a woman, also blue and made of diamond.

Tried to break me

He tried to break me while I was down.

Nope.

I can still crawl.

Although. It's not me you need to worry about. It's her.

Your time will come. I don't know what shes going to do, but it's not going to be nice.

You are messing with the daughter and husband of a dead witch you twat.

I know why

I know why they sent her to me.
I know why they said I was the only one who could fix her.

I am. That's not ego. I wish it was. I am because I have been slammed down over and over again.
But don't they understand? Yes I can take it. But it still hurts.
She pushes me, hurts me. Pulls me in and then shoves me away. It's not her fault. She has been hurt and had her trust broken by pretty much everyone. So now if she gets close she has to push them. Hurt them so they leave. Perpetuating the cycle.
So, she hurts me. A lot of the time I don't think she even knows she's doing it. She cuts so deep some days.
I shall patiently wait. She's getting better. I can see changes. Slowly, slowly.

Huh?

I have no idea what the hell is going on.

Just going to roll with it for now.

Hopefully it will take me somewhere good.

So confused.

Trigger day

Had to walk past one of the Drs who killed my wife today. He didn't seem to notice me. I wonder if he had no idea who I was or if he didn't want to acknowledge me.
Still hurts. I want to melt down. Just fall apart for a bit. Couldn't, had to keep my promise to take my daughter out of town today. Now there's guests in the house (thankfully I don't have to talk to them too much). Can't fall apart though. No safe area for that tonight.

I wonder how much alcohol my damaged liver can process. It's not been happy with me.

Mask on, gotta go be nice now.

Dear women. If you get cancer please, please, please. Don't let those fuckers take your lymph nodes. Even badly damaged, they are your last defense.