Fought and lost

Dreams

So, last night I dreamed I met someone. She was nice, pretty good looking too. We instantly hit it off. But, we were both patients in hospice.

The elation of meeting someone and the despair of time being so limited.

Wow. Crap day.

Haven't even felt like posting on here lately.

Today was one hell of a day.

Woman over the road lost her husband to cancer on Saturday. She came over to let me know and broke down. I had trouble holding it together myself.

Dead bird on kitchen floor. Blood and feathers. Fucking cats.

Guy I have been helping with cancer has decided to give up. His choice, but still sucks.

The pie I got for lunch fell apart when I tried to eat it. Gave up and chucked it out the window. Burnt my fingers and got pie on my jacket.

Had to go to Dr today. I think I may have cancer in my spine. Now I have to go to the hospital where they killed my wife for tests. Just the thought of it is triggering my PTSD.

Fuck the world.

In a rut.

I'm stuck. I can't get out.

Ever since the garden melt down 3 days ago. I 'm just down. Can't get motivated. I go out there and do nothing. I wan't hugs. So lame and I feel dumb. But that's all I wan't. To hold onto a caring human and not let go for a while.

I miss my wife so badly right now. I'm falling apart and there is no one. No one there for me. So alone.