A day off

 

My daughter was 3. I could see my wife and her had been couped up together for too long and it was wearing on both of them.
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said, “I’ll take our daughter away for the day, go to all the parks and crappy kid places, you stay home and do nothing, and I mean it on the nothing thing, I’ll make a condition, I do not want to come home to a clean house, you waste the day on whatever things.”
She smiled “deal,” she said.
For a year or so it turned into something I did every couple of months. My daughter had a fun day, my wife got to rest.

 

Ptsd triggers

Ptsd triggers can come out of nowhere. The hospital just sent me down to get a wheelchair to take my daughter out. 

I remembered that the last time I did that was to take my wife to the hospice. 

I sitting here concentrating on writing this because I'm not falling apart in front of these people. 

It's been 7 years. Can I just get over it now?

The hospital

 This week I have to take my daughter into the hospital for some minor work. I know it's nothing major. But I still have to entrust her life to the same people who killed my wife, and there are plenty of things that can go wrong. 

I guess if they do kill her then my reason for staying is gone. I will no longer have to remain in this world. No pain, no struggles, no fatigue, no loneliness. Freedom.