There is only one possible outcome of love. That's pain. No matter what, you are gonna get hurt. What's worse is the more love you have the more you will get hurt.
But, if you shy away from it you will miss all the good things, the things that make the pain worth it.
I have loved so well that the hurt feels like it will never leave me. It's stained me to the core. And let me tell you, it was worth it. I don't know if it could happen again, maybe. What I can say is if I was given the choice to do it again, knowing the outcome, I would, I would do it once more.
I would not walk away from the deepest of love.
Her birthday
Don’t be
sad. This is not a sad post.
Today would
have been my wife’s birthday. I would have had a day out planned, we would have
done her favorite things, gone to favorite places. Or done something new, there
would have been cake, with candles.
And I don’t
want you to be sad that it’s gone.
I want you
to know that I had that. I was the lucky one who had someone that let me dote
on her on those special days. I got her a small bunch of flowers on valentines
day, I made her breakfast in bed and took her out on mothers day. I don’t care
that it was commercial crap. I did it and I loved doing it. Sure, I cared for
her on all the other days too. But an excuse to go all out was great.
Nothing
lasts forever. I will never have that again. Maybe one day I will have
something else. Maybe there will be similar things. Who knows, que sera sera,
what will be will be.
But don’t
be sad that I lost it. Be happy for me, because I had it.
my blood pressure pills
Tonight dear reader I had to make a difficult choice. My health is never good and one of my problems is high blood pressure. I have pills but there are side effects. I'm on my 3rd type and this one causes extreme fatigue, weight gain and depression. I stopped taking them and my mood is better, the fatigue was starting to improve and I started losing weight.
My blood pressure is hitting dangerous levels. Tonight I made the difficult decision to take the pills again. I have an urgent GP booking that was made last year which in New Zealand means mid January. Regular bookings were not until March at the earliest.
I'm sitting here tonight a few hours after taking that pill and I can feel the depression seeping in already. I'll try to post good stuff but if I'm shitposting a bit, I apologize now. I'm heading for a dark place. The choice is go there or possibly have a stroke. Sometimes we have little choice. I'm not going to make my daughter an orphan. She's the only reason I stay in this world.
I can hear Polli in my mind saying "ya gotta do what ya gotta do." Haven't heard her in my mind in a long time.
We never want to be depressed but sometimes it cannot be avoided.
Balanced new years wishes
Well, the new year has arrived here in New Zealand. I tried to write something deep, some nights it just isn’t there.
Be good to one another ok? Simple as that. We are all going through shit and a little kindness goes a long way. I’m not saying become a doormat for the ungrateful though. Know that there are limits to giving. And, Importantly, don’t forget yourself. Give to yourself too.Love, give to those closest to you with zero expectations but also remember that too is a two way street.
Balance in all things I guess.
Don’t forget to enjoy the moments in life. And take photos because sometimes the photos are all that will remain, but don’t forget to live in the moments too, I see people missing amazing moments because they are too busy recording it.
Balance again.
You know, there it is.
I wish you all a well balanced 2023. May you give and receive all that you need.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)