Whats happening
I don't know. It started in last night. I feel consumed by hurt and sorrow. I tried to drink it away but not even the alcohol was enough so I slept it away.
Nightmares again. Full of frustration and embarrassment.
The hurt is back today. With a vengeance. Please. Anyone, anything. Stop the pain. Please?
It hurts. Physically hurts. It's also draining me. I don't know how much longer I can withstand it.
Nightmares again. Full of frustration and embarrassment.
The hurt is back today. With a vengeance. Please. Anyone, anything. Stop the pain. Please?
It hurts. Physically hurts. It's also draining me. I don't know how much longer I can withstand it.
I don't know anymore
It's been 4 years of absolute shit on top of shit on top of shit.
I'm so done. I'm confused and just. Ugh, I don't have the words to express it anymore.
I'm going to drink until I don't want to kill myself. Wish me luck.
I'm so done. I'm confused and just. Ugh, I don't have the words to express it anymore.
I'm going to drink until I don't want to kill myself. Wish me luck.
What the hell happened
I used to be respected in my field. The top in the country. I loved my job.
.
Now the last main school I work for is refurbishing and I'm losing my office.
.
My income has halved across the board due to budget cuts.
.
The IT guy isn't what he used to be.
.
I'm tired. I'm drained. I'm done.
.
How about good stuff instead of all this shit.
Drunk rambles
I'm drunk. Real drunk. No daughter. Just me at home. Thoughts.......
3 years since she died. Travesty. Killed by New Zealands incompetent health system. Dangerous thing to be involved in.
Guilt. I miss her but I want someone else. Don't want to be alone. Yeah I know, heal yourself first. fucking bullshit. Fuck off. The few times I managed to get close to someone the healing was right there.
In this moment sounds fucking great when drunk.
Worlds fucked up. Revolution is coming. The stupid Normals can't see it. They are stirring, I see them, they know its coming, they are getting restless. Still to dumb to see it.
Millennials are lazy. Used to piss me off. They need to be lazy. revolution. Tech will hit the point where they don't need to work much. The new life style.
Humans are fucking dumb sheep, they are so easily led into delusions. They just don't get it.
3 years since she died. Travesty. Killed by New Zealands incompetent health system. Dangerous thing to be involved in.
Guilt. I miss her but I want someone else. Don't want to be alone. Yeah I know, heal yourself first. fucking bullshit. Fuck off. The few times I managed to get close to someone the healing was right there.
In this moment sounds fucking great when drunk.
Worlds fucked up. Revolution is coming. The stupid Normals can't see it. They are stirring, I see them, they know its coming, they are getting restless. Still to dumb to see it.
Millennials are lazy. Used to piss me off. They need to be lazy. revolution. Tech will hit the point where they don't need to work much. The new life style.
Humans are fucking dumb sheep, they are so easily led into delusions. They just don't get it.
FML
Dryer is fucked,
Dishwasher is fucked,
My PC just died,
My health is real bad (Drs still don't know why I'm pissing blood).
.
Happy anniversary of my wife's death.
Feeling lost
It's coming up to the anniversary of my wife's death.
I know I should be moving forward. I want to move forward. But I'm so lost. I don't want to do this alone anymore.
.
How do I get past the fact she was killed. Even more so when the only outcome of that death was a letter of apology that someone else wrote for them.
.
I feel so alone. Please. I don't want to be alone. Help me. Please? No more.
.
I am a good person. Not perfect, but good. I'm kind, considerate, caring, gentle. Why does it all have to be so hard?
.
Someone ease my pain. Please?
.
Someone?
One week
Less than a week actually until shes been dead for 3 years.
I'm hurting.
I'm also so lonely. I don't want to do this on my own. Which makes me feel guilty.
Need hugs. Not gonna happen.
What becomes of the broken hearted?
I'm hurting.
I'm also so lonely. I don't want to do this on my own. Which makes me feel guilty.
Need hugs. Not gonna happen.
What becomes of the broken hearted?
Mean people
Banned my first person from modern gentleman today.
They don't need to say nasty shit. Why do people have to be like that? It helps no one.
They don't need to say nasty shit. Why do people have to be like that? It helps no one.
Being an empath
Bloody hard when you get close enough to someone and that link forms.
I have felt her for the past few weeks, sad, depressed, anxious, angry.
She's real down tonight, broadcasting loud. It's affecting me too.
I can help, but she needs to meet me half way.
I have felt her for the past few weeks, sad, depressed, anxious, angry.
She's real down tonight, broadcasting loud. It's affecting me too.
I can help, but she needs to meet me half way.
Saturday night. Alone.
Welp. Here I am. I give relationship advice to thousands of people. I have over 1,000 followers and it's Saturday night, I'm sitting on my bed with the dog.
Irony.
If the universe was a person
If the universe was a person I would take a restraining order out on it for being an abuser.
Inflammation
My body is going through a massive inflammatory reaction.
Been doing it for about 2 weeks. I don't know why it does it. It's getting worse. Blood vessels breaking. Pain. Haven't had it this bad in a while.
Need to get that will updated.
Been doing it for about 2 weeks. I don't know why it does it. It's getting worse. Blood vessels breaking. Pain. Haven't had it this bad in a while.
Need to get that will updated.
Goals
People are always talking about goals, the next big thing they are aiming for, the new house, the new car, the holiday, the promotion at work.
I have a goal. My goal is to live. Yes, yes I am alive. I wouldn't be sitting here typing this if I wasn't but the thing is I am currently simply surviving. Managing to make it from day to day and hoping I survive another day.
Forget rich or famous...
I want to live, not simply survive.
I want to wake up in the morning and not worry about my day, or week, or year.
I want to be free from the pain my body is constantly in.
and the biggest of all.....
I want to love and be loved.
I have a goal. My goal is to live. Yes, yes I am alive. I wouldn't be sitting here typing this if I wasn't but the thing is I am currently simply surviving. Managing to make it from day to day and hoping I survive another day.
Forget rich or famous...
I want to live, not simply survive.
I want to wake up in the morning and not worry about my day, or week, or year.
I want to be free from the pain my body is constantly in.
and the biggest of all.....
I want to love and be loved.
Stupid
You idiot. You know why you are dying. You know why the cancer is continuing to grow. Yet you continue to do it. Those tumors are in your liver. Sugar WILL kill you. Don't eat the fucking giant doughnuts while crying that your cancer is getting bigger.
Criticism
Extra special mention of all those who have criticized me for my parenting skills, particularly when I tried to talk about it.
.
Fuck you.
I'm worn out
So tired. Need a break, need time to rest.
Can't. No time for that. Work, work work. Push through. Work, work work.
Got to work and work, come home and work.
Rest a bit and carry on. I'm so, so tired. Please. I need rest.
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