wasted life

Crawled into bed for the afternoon. I can't afford it. Pretty fucked financially.

I'm too fucked up for this world. 

There's no help. 

I'm on my own.

Just people going awwww from a distance.

Friendzoned again

Got talking to a woman. Seems neat. Finally asked her after weeks of talking if we could meet. 

Got slammed so hard and fast into the Friendzone I think I got whiplash. 

1:17am

1:17am. Exhausted and alone. Need to sleep but there's no one beside me.  No company for the nightmares. 

I feel so alone right now. 

Can anyone love the autistic guy?

Or am I too flawed? 

And oddity in a world demanding flawless. 

Sleep is winning.Time to disappear into it's murky depths. 

I'm just me

 

I’m just a soul whose intentions are good.

-The animals

They say you should never meet your heroes because you will be disappointed. I had an admin of a page message me one day. We struck up a conversation and talked for a few months. She told me that first time she put it off because she felt intimidated. Talking to “the” Modern Gentleman. Maybe that’s my problem, the few women who talk to me have this elevated idea of who I am.

I’m different it’s true. My mind works differently. Aspergers they call it. Or High Functioning autistic, or autistic. Even the experts can’t agree on what the hell we are but seriously, I’m not anyone amazing. In fact I’m quite an awkward person. If you ever meet me I can tell you that I will be a mess, I will get things wrong but I will try, if you tell me what works and what doesn’t I can work towards it. I guess that’s one great thing about not fitting in with societal norms, I can change a number of aspects of my mind. Only a few things I can’t change, mainly things revolving around my hypersensitivity. I care though. I care deeply and I try.

I just hope that one day someone will see past my awkwardness, forgive me for my mistakes and gently guide me the right way (I have figured out a lot already). I have a lot to offer. To you out there, if you can and want to, come join me in my world. It’s a bit weird but it’s a good place. It has kindness, love and dad jokes. Oh, and Mr Barkington too.