My week

Jenkies, it's been rough this week. It's so bad I'm not even willing to post it in an anonymous blog.

Sheesh. I am an idiot. A big, fat, stupid idiot. And the guilt. I almost puked a few times from it. A week later and I'm still stressing over what I did. 

Relationships

How do you tell someone that if their relationship is that crappy now. It's not going to get better?

Daughters :(

So, tonight my daughter made me wait for 30 mins while she played her video game when we needed to go to the supermarket. I finally got her off and she tells me I am a fucking asshole. She threatened a few minutes later to punch me and then she started taking her frustration out on the car. I lost it. We came home at speed, I was throwing the car around on the corners. I stormed into the house and told her she could starve.

She has pushed me so far that I broke. Heh. Turns out a broken man can brake even more.

I have no one to talk to. No one to help. Everyone turns to me when they are down or have problems. But they walk away when its me asking for help.

Alone. So fucking alone.

Again, remember this...

When you are sad and down and your PTSD has been triggered, bottle it up. No one wants to know. repeat.

No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know, No one wants to know.

Hope. For others.

Got sent this message today. It's awesome that the protocols are working. The Dr's had given up on him there was nowhere left for them to go. So they turned to me. I'm so glad they are working.

Having to help others when I lost. Rubs it in my face. 

This weeks lesson

So I got x-rayed to see if there were tumors in my spine. There aren't. Spent the week trying to work out if terminal cancer was good or not. Planned what to do over Sophia.

What did I get out of the week? What was my lesson?

I am alone. Very, very alone.

When the chips are down. I'm on my own.