Living his broken old life
In his broken old house.
The last 6 years
The last 6 years has felt like my life gets sucked into this rabbit hole of insanity. It gets deeper and deeper. I try to pull myself up, but all I do is fall some more, I try to hold on but my hands are covered in my own blood. Makes the sides slippery. I don't know anymore, guess I need to resign myself to falling. I wonder what's at the bottom and when I'll hit.
Maybe one day things will get better. For now I'll simply try to hope, even when hope has failed.
dreams
Dreamed I found polli in New Plymouth. I drove up there to collect her. She said she's found somewhere new and likes it there. She might come back sometimes but she's not moving back..
.
Haven't felt her around in a while. Guess she's gone.
.
Feeling lost.
I have sat
here for days, lost, after witnessing the brutality the police visited upon a
group of peaceful protesters. I have felt grief, pain, sorrow and… anger.
What have
we become here in New Zealand? We are a lost, divided people. Today I saw a
video of the recent protests, but not the anger. It was a group of people
united, in love, compassion, honour. We, were, one, and I remembered, this is what
we are striving for. We cannot become like the others, filled with righteous
anger and hate, I know that’s so easy to do. Remember the convoy and freedom
village for what it was, a glimpse of people coming together, a peaceful
resistance against the lies and hate. There is hope for humans yet. We can
become this again.
These are
dark times indeed, but what will come from the ashes is going to be what we on
the side of kindness are longing so deeply for. A world of peace. Remember, It’s
always darkest before the dawn.
weary
I'm tired. My soul is worn out. This world is a terrible place and I don't want to be a part of it anymore.
Battles
5 years ago
today I walked into a room and faced the people who killed my wife. I spoke
carefully and factually for almost 2 hours detailing to them and the others in
the room exactly how and what happened. Preparing for it and being there did
not psychologically help me, but sometimes you simply have to do what’s right. In
the end all I achieved was a 2 page letter of apology with promises of a few
changes. Others may survive because of what I did. At least her death won’t be
a complete waste.
I will
always shy away from confrontation and arguments when I can. But sometimes you
have to stand up when something isn’t right.
Sometimes a
Modern Gentleman has to battle.
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