Hey Polli

She was this broken wee thing when I met her. But here was this spark. Oh, and her mind. Yeah, she were crazy, but she thought and saw things differently. Depth, you know. And when she got talking, I could just listen. And she got so passionate about things. So adorable.

I love a woman with a bit of crazy. Passion and fire. I love to sit back while they get going on some topic that they love.

Choices.

She had the choice, stick with me, a life a little more tame but one filled with love and appreciation, or one that was wild but one she could never heal from her past. She chose wild. It hurt, but its her choice, now shes in a psych ward. I tried. But some people you just can't reach. 

I don't fit

I don't fit in this world. I feel like I'm an alien marooned on this planet. I try to blend with the inhabitants but they are weird and random. It's so much work trying to follow their ways that interaction wears me out. I sometimes think they pick up on it too. Like I'm a target. I'm different. Different is always picked on.

Please. I want to leave. 

bad weekend

It has been a harsh weekend. I'm so down. I gave up on Saturday. Just let it happen. I tried so hard on Sunday. Tried to turn myself around. Then one snippy comment from someone and it all crashed right back down.

Been talking to someone. But. I don't think it's happening. She talks to me in small amounts but. Meh. Pity. She seemed good. She has 2 daughters. That would have been a squeeze. I don't know any more. Need to go back to my plan. Stay alive until my daughter is old enough. Make no other plans. So alone. Just one special person. Please?

Or kill me. I'm cool either way. Just make sure Sophia is looked after. 

their stories

When they open up and tell you their stories. And they are brutal. And heart breaking. It hurts me to hear them. I feel their pain. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I will listen to every single one of them. No matter the pain. It's not much. But it's something.