One day at a time

 

One day at a time.

It’s all we can really do isn’t it?

I was going to write about loving those closest to us because you never know when they suddenly won’t be there anymore. I was going to write it because a mom just lost her young daughter yesterday.

We all know someone or are that someone who lost someone close suddenly.

20 years ago, I still remember going from sitting at work to sitting in an office while a police officer says “there has been an accident” to helping pick my mothers coffin.

Really, what is there to say, all we can do is take one day at a time, (not that we have any choice)

And love those closest to us as best we can.

The only sure thing in life is death and sometimes hell is right here on earth.

 

Sometimes less effort is better.

 

Sometimes less effort is better.

I used to loathe Christmas. Hated it with a passion.

For a number of years I worked in retail. From the start of December we weren’t given a single day off. We would work 24 days straight. The last 3 nights before xmas eve was midnight opening. So it was 8am until we finished cashing up about 30mins past midnight. Christmas in New Zealand is in summer, it is hot, so shopping consisted of women dragging around overtired, overheated screaming toddlers. I always felt so sorry for them, both mum and kid. I would also see people going into debt for years to buy presents for kids.

When Christmas day rolled around I spent most of it sleeping from sheer exhaustion.

Well, I got out of retail and then got a wife and a child. Then came a new hell. We wound up with 5 places to visit in one day. Of course everyone wanted us there for either lunch or dinner so we would switch who we visited at what time each year. That used to piss them off. Then we would say, we have so many people to visit we can only stay for 1 hour and then we HAVE to go. We would arrive for the meal and it was never ready on time. Packing a screaming hungry kid into the car just as the food was due to be dished up sucked. One Christmas we ended up eating lunch at a gas station.

Then one year I got a kidney infection, it struck first thing in the morning. It was bad, I spent the day in bed vomiting and in severe pain. But, you know what? It was so peaceful. I realized it was one of the best Christmas days I had in years.

That’s when I said no more. All I can ever do is upset people at Christmas so I’m not participating. I refuse to go out. Were people annoyed? Yup, did they try to pressure me into going out? You bet. But no matter what I did they were going to be upset so it no longer mattered.

Christmas day is now spent at home, we have some good food, pre purchased, I do minimal cooking though. My daughter gets a few presents and it’s so relaxed. Some people visit, others don’t. I tell people if they are feeling stressed about visiting everyone they are free to give us a miss, we won’t be upset, we understand.

And you know? I’m starting to enjoy Christmas again. I talk to my daughter, tell her if she want’s we will go out. She tells me she used to hate Christmas too. But now, she likes it as well and loves staying home.

As I said, sometimes less is better.

I'm Tired

I’m tired.

It’s been years of nothing but fighting.

Trying to keep my damaged body working

Trying to keep by broken family going

Trying to earn enough money

I’m tired of horrible people

I’m tired of being poor

I’m tired of being tired

I’m tired of being alone

I’m tired of people

I’m tired of the wrong people winning

I’m so damn tired of trying to survive

Some days are difficult

 

Some days are difficult, in those days we survive, live to see another day.

And that’s ok. I guess the good thing about the hard days is the ability to know it’s shit. Because at least we know we deserve more, we deserve better.

Today was simply a difficult day. I was not ok, but I will be ok and that’s ok.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe it won’t but at least there is still hope for better times.

I know I haven’t written this well. Some days are simply off days.

Why The Modern Gentleman and not simply The Gentleman?

 

Why The Modern Gentleman and not simply The Gentleman?

Let me give you an example. It was the done thing where the man would sleep closest to the door, as the protector from anyone who may enter. What I have found though, is she has problems feeling trapped. So, I changed, I sleep furthest from the door. Even when she feels completely safe, let her feel better knowing theres always a way out.

I’m lucky enough to be able to put it up another notch, I sleep under the window and my dog sleeps closest to the door, no one can enter that room while she sleeps without either of us knowing.

 

A big deal.

 I'm watching two people have an argument about a post on facebook. 

One is saying how he's so much bigger on there so clearly he's a big deal. He has 2,000 followers. 

I have 200,000 followers. Why don't I feel like a big deal?