Sex with a shattered woman

Do you know what I think one of the bravest things is?

A shattered woman having sex again with someone else. Truly, she’s been abused terribly and here she is, willing to be naked in front of a man body and soul and try again.

It’s taken a lot for me to say that, because this is a subject that we all find uncomfortable, but as a Modern Gentleman it is a part of who I am to have the uncomfortable conversations. I have taken a couple of shattered women through that stage of their journey. They have been terrified at first. But with kindness and being ever so gentle, they have been able to open up, lay back and allow me to take them places they have never experienced before. Once they start seeing what they have been missing all that time, they become willing participants in exploration of their bodies.

Dear shattered woman. I see you. I hear you. This Modern Gentleman has pride in you wanting to move forward. You got this, you really do. Feel the fear, it’s ok to do so, and move forward.

 

-The Modern Gentleman

-How to love a shattered woman.

 

Shaking my head.

Car broke down today $1,000 to fix. It's Thursday, they are talking Monday at the earliest before I get it back. 

I talk Modern Gentleman and relationships. Haven't even had a date in years. 

What the hell am I doing with my life?

Walks, dinner and a movie

My friend came to visit for a couple hours, we walked our dogs, I put on a movie and cooked dinner. She went back to her sons place afterwards, I looked at Modern Gentleman and the page seemed so pointless. I talk relationships but can't manage one myself. 

Sometimes I feel like simply deleting it and finding something more constructive to do with my life. 

Boundaries

Look, I have very few boundaries, I would rather you were simply you. 

Here's mine. If I piss you off, please be gentle about telling me, but I do want to know. Yelling at me is a trigger. 

Ask away about my late wife but only in small portions, theres still pockets of pain there. 

If you want to tell me about how you like barbie dolls still, cool, if you want to tell me you haven't pooped in 3 days and its getting to be a worry, cool. If you tell me that your favorite pastime is painting yourself blue and jumping naked out of birthday cakes then go you!

Dancers

 Round and round the dance hall they weave, spinning in their dance. I stand in the middle, watching as they go. One spins in close as another spins away. Always moving in their dance. In and out they whirl in a never ending circle. Some get so close before spinning away again. 

Never close enough to reach out, and hold on to. 

I am me

You shouldn't say that.
You should be more like this.
Look that way.
Act like this. 

But make sure you are authentic. 

I am me. I will not be anything else, not anymore. 

Alone

 I'm tired, in a crapload of pain (despite visiting a sports therapist to get my back sorted) I'm worried about my future and money. Most of all, I'm lonely. 

Who am I?

 I spend a lot of my time feeling like an alien scientist who has studied humans for years and learned a lot, but never enough to fit in with them. Forever the outsider.

My back

 My Back has wrecked itself again. 3 days of pain so far.

The pain comes and goes, right now it's excruciating. I reached for the painkillers, I hate them but I had to give in. They don't stop the pain, not when its this bad but at least they can take the edge off. 

The dr said eventually my spine will snap. When it does I wonder if the pain will go or if it will be worse. Still, when that happens I have my exit plan. I just need to last until my daughter can take care of herself.