Something is wrong
Something is wrong. It's this house. I don't like being in it, the energy is out of wack. Can't even talk to Polli. There's something not right here. Need help but the only one who can is busy.
Exploited
I'm sitting at the place where I'll kill myself when the time comes. Yeah, I've picked the location and the method. Just not when. It's an odd comfort really. Knowing that there is a final way out when it all gets too hard.
Feeling exploited today. Every one seems to be using me as a servant. Just here to wait on everyone else.
Sick of it. When is my turn?
A day of hurt
Today was harsh.
I had to tell my wife's family that I had cut them off for mine and my daughter's safety. There will be repercussions. They will make me pay. They won't let it slide.
Tried therapy today. It didn't go well. I have things buried in me. I think they are best left there. Bringing them out hurt. Really hurt. Stuff where there is no answer. I simply have places I don't want to go.
I feel so alone. Please, please. I don't want to be alone anymore.
Still no work. I'm going to go bust soon.
:(
It's all shit.
4 years
Yesterday marked 4 years since she found that lump in her breast. 14 months later I watched her die.
My life has been so fucked up since that day. It only seems to be getting worse.
I'm so down. It's too much. Too much.
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