That final letter.

I remember sitting beside my wife as they loaded her with fentanyl, unable to do anything but watch. The doctors had damaged her beyond saving. So I took her to the hospice. They offered an ambulance. I drove her there myself. They started pushing that shit in the moment she got there. At least she felt nothing.

Anyways I'm sitting there beside her. We both knew it was over. Felt I had to write her one last letter. Some of you have seen it. Life can really fuck you up sometimes. She was pretty much gone. I read it to her a couple of times, maybe she heard it, maybe she didn't.

To my dearest Polli, as I sit here upon the closing of your life I want to thank you.

Thank you for showing me I could be loved.
Thank you for showing me that I could love another
Thank you for showing me how to have so much compassion
Thank you for showing me how to be unflinching while facing massive adversity
Thank you for being there for me through the bad times and the good
Thank you for laughing with me.
Thank you for crying with me.
Thank you for putting up with and understanding my quirks

You have been there for me as I have been there for you. I wish that I could have kept you longer, but I now acknowledge that this is not to be. I am filled with the sorrow of your leaving but I am also glad this final struggle of yours is at an end. Its taken such a toll on your poor body. Your strength and determination is a true inspiration both to me and to so many others.

I only have 1 final request. I want you to give up. I want you to stop fighting before the pain becomes too great. I know this is not who you are but its time. I love you so much, I do not want to see you like this.

Polli, I give you permission to go.
Polli, I release you from your promises
Polli, I release you from your vows
I do this publicly, witnessed by all those who read this.

I do not know where I go to next. I am broken too. My health, my business and part of my sanity lies in tatters. But I promise you, I will look after, protect and nurture our daughter to the absolute best of my ability. What I have done for you, I shall do for her.