A sub chooses her dom

 

I am not a BDSM dom. But, read on. Maybe it will explain a few things to a few people.

“A sub chooses her dom.” It’s something I heard a few years ago. I know a few people will be arguing that statement, but it illustrates a point. There is this incorrect stereotype idea that submissive women are these demure wee things who love to be mistreated.  The worst part of that is there are a lot of males out there convinced that is the case so they call themselves “Dom” with no clue as to what one is. Let me tell you this, most subs I have met are hellcats who would damn near scratch your eyes out if you messed with them the wrong way, but sometimes they want to give up this intensity for a little. These women are looking for a strength, a power a.. presence. It’s not about demanding submission but more conducting yourself in a way that she wants to give it to you. 

I guess there is this public perception of the D/s (Dom/sub) relationship that it’s all bondage and whips but that is only a small part of the dynamic. I know plenty of subs who are not into pain at all. For so many it’s about a release of themselves into the hands of someone they can trust. Someone who will turn sex from simple pleasure into an experience and will continue to do it over and over and what this entails will be different from person to person. The true Dom understands this and will work, change and adapt to his subs wants and needs. The fake ones simply make demands with no concept of anything more.

“The true master will win submission rather than impose dominance” A true statement that one. She wants to give herself over but it’s a struggle in her mind, she will not simply give herself because you demand it. It’s about how you carry yourself, your attitude, your demeanor, your confidence. I’m not saying you have to be a billionaire who orders his staff around, I’m saying that you need to know when to rise to the occasion, to act, be, speak and strive to be a gentleman. Kindness and softness when required, firmness when needed while simply being yourself. Yes, this can be achieved.
A man who can dine with CEOs of multinational companies one day and sit alone on a graffitied park bench the next. Confidence without the attitude, I guess. I’m not saying perfection is required. It’s ok to be a bit of a shitshow, the good ones are caring, just know when to bring your A game.