Hopes n dreams

 "It's all gods plan" or "god doesn't give anymore than you can take" has to be the two shittiest fucking things people can say, next one to give me either of those is going to wear a full aspie meltdown from me and are going to be told to get fucked in no uncertain terms. 

My mother is dead, my wife is dead, my sister has a big tumor in her head, my father has cancer. My company is going bust and I am fucked if I know what I am gonna do about that. My back is getting worse, I'm in pain, all the time, the only time I cant feel it is when I am drunk. It always seems like the more I go down the more people want to fuck me over. At one point shit got so bad when my first house was taken from me the stress was so much on my wife we lost our son. Christmas day. Fucking great day that one (sarcasm).

Sure, I could turn into a nasty piece of shit and people would go "well, he's had it pretty hard" but I won't, every day I am going to pick myself up and be me. If I have to drag myself through this fetid sewer called life I will. 

What I do is I dream. I dream that someday, somehow, things will get better. Statistically speaking if I keep going then somewhere something good has to happen. If you flip a coin it can only come up tails so many times before it changes and you get heads. 

I hope that someday, somehow someone is going to go, wow! Hes a good guy. He's been through some shit and yet he's still, a good person. I'm going to show him some real love. 


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