day 1 of manning up

It's hard to change your own mindset.

Keeps sucking me back. Reverting. I just have to keep pushing myself into the new mindset.

Stupid thing is I don't want to change. I want to be free to have emotions. I want to love. I want to need to love.

That won't happen. That time is gone. Its lost. It's over.

Why wasn't I flooding her with Vitamin C? Right from the moment that wound opened up. Pushing, pushing her to take it.

When do I dare say I feel like I didn't try hard enough to keep her alive.

Wrong emotions. Push it down. Lock it away.


Man up. Move on.

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