Words flying

 

Words flying around my head. Jumbled, I want to catch them, grab onto them turn them into something that makes sense.

Something in this world that has affected me. Has done for years. A name. Aisha Ibrahim Duhulow. An obscure name with a little known event. This girl was 13, a child, she was put in a hole and stoned to death in a stadium with 1,000 onlookers. Her crime was to be raped. She’s not the only one, so many more. There is so much wrong in this world.

So much greed, so much meanness. Why can’t we be kinder to each other? Why? Why this need to trample on others to better ourselves. Why the need to treat others as less?

I feel odd in this world, not normal, always felt out of place. Like an alien, I don’t belong here. Sometimes though I think it’s the wrong way around. I belong, it’s all the others who don’t.

Post tonight about sex, men putting their own pleasure first. Heard this so many times, I didn’t think it happened much, turns out it does, a lot. People thinking fucking a moist hole is all there is. So many walking around clueless as to the incredible journey of sex.

But I am the odd one.

25 years ago I ate the wrong piece of KFC chicken. Got poisoned. Wrecked my life. Never recovered the damage it did. Never thought about how I was putting my life in the hands of a greasy 16 year old kid who was under pressure and undercooked stuff. Just unlucky for me. Now I pay. Can’t prove a thing, everyone else carries on. Except me.

I’m tired. My soul is tired as well as my body.

Asshole around the corner, beats women, his partner left him, 2 weeks later he had another one. I haven’t even dated a woman in over a year.

Won’t stop being me though, I’ll be kind and lonely before I be an attached asshole.

Swirling thoughts. Words flying around in my head.

Aspie, with PTSD, too much shit happened at various times. No one knows it all, no one. I doubt anyone ever will. Some things are better locked away.

Still my thoughts fly in circles.

I stand, alone. Even in a sea of people.