Feeling lost

It's coming up to the anniversary of my wife's death.
I know I should be moving forward. I want to move forward. But I'm so lost. I don't want to do this alone anymore.
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How do I get past the fact she was killed. Even more so when the only outcome of that death was a letter of apology that someone else wrote for them.
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I feel so alone. Please. I don't want to be alone. Help me. Please? No more.
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I am a good person. Not perfect, but good. I'm kind, considerate, caring, gentle.  Why does it all have to be so hard?
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Someone ease my pain. Please?
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Someone?