My last physical friend.

I have friends on facebook. But I only had one close physical friend. I don't get to see her much. Technically you could call her an ex girlfriend. It didn't work out so we just stayed as friends. It hurts a bit sometimes. But at least she talks to me.

I love it when we get together. I would sit down and she would lean up against me. Sometimes she would drift off to sleep laying against me and I would put my arm around her. It made the world bearable for a few hours.

It's changing. She's changing. She has a new dog. She talks to me a lot less now. She passed through town in her camper twice in 2 weeks and spent the night in town. I visited her when she was here. She never sat with me, she stayed at the other end of her camper, at the table. The one time I touched her (I briefly put my hand on her back) she said she was no longer used to touch and was quite glad about it. She said she no longer craved that contact from people and it made life easier.

I have trouble being around groups of people. I am autistic (Aspergers) and my mind cannot process so many people at once, its overloading. I hate going out. Everything is loud and too full of everything.

I have no hobbies. I used to play video games but they now bore me. Did some art, over it, did writing, over that too apart from screaming at my blog. I can't watch TV anymore. It makes me sad because that's what I did with my wife. Now I just get drunk and scroll facebook at night.

I don't want to live like this.