My grandmother is dying. She's not expected to last the week. I'm slightly sad but not really that upset. She moved to another city a long way away and I haven't been able to see her in quite a number of years.
I think a part of that was because I learned not to get attached to things. My father was in the habit of throwing out or giving away my toys when he felt it was time for them to go. I think I only have one childhood toy left. A ceramic toy given to me at my christening. My step mother had it for a while, I was told she intended on keeping it until she found out that it was practically worthless, at which point it found it's way back to me. Somewhere I think I may have a couple of books too.
Things and people come and they go in life, nothing is permanent is it. I also grew up in a town with a lot of temporary workers. It was not unusual to come back to school in the new year and find friends were suddenly gone with no warning. You were sad for a moment, shrugged and carried on. Not that I had that many close friends anyways.
My father did teach me some good things. I had a strong work ethic. He used to run training courses, one of them they built a hot house, It took 7 of them 8 hours to ram in the posts for the first side. The trainees went home at 4pm. My father and I carried on. With the 2 of us working hard we were able to do the other side in 3 hours. Dinner was usually at 6pm, he asked my mother when she came to check on us if she could keep it on the oven, as we didn't want to stop. I had no problem with that either. It was a job that needed doing and we did it.
I find it hard with my chronic fatigue, I can't work like that anymore. feels like I'm failing at life. It is what it is I guess.
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