I wrote this a while ago and refound it.

Advice to widowers....

Welcome to the widowers club, where membership can happen but no one wants it. I'm 1 1/2 years in, my wifes cancer was healing but the Drs screwed up and killed her. Half assed apology from the hospital. It's me and my now 11yo daughter. Some random thoughts.

If you can, take a few days out of your life and get blindingly drunk. Officially its a bad thing to do but it helps you process.

For the womens issues your daughter is on the cusp of dealing with don't even try to understand or help. Other women are the best to deal with pads and types etc. They are always willing to help a fellow sister with those issues.

You are unfortunately and fortunately about to find out who your real friends are. Some will surprise you. Ones you thought would be there aren't, ones who you didn't think would be there will be.

Sometimes you will get somewhere and not be able to get out of the car. Give up. Go home. It's normal.

Bed is a refuge. I lost a few days in there.

Kids are more resilient to these things but they will develop odd quirks (more so if your daughter has aspergers). Mine will sometimes pull off all the covers on her bed and insist on me making it for her. She is more than capable of making it. That's a queue I need to spend some more time with her. I make the bed, read her a story and then as soon as I can we go out for a day. Or even a dinner date.

Beach carparks are often deserted places during the week. Good quiet place to cry.

Yes, you want to die. Just remind yourself you will orphan your daughter. What a horrible thing to do to her.

St Johns wort can help take the edge off but it gave me nightmares worse than the depression. Vitamin B helps but only take it in the morning as it gives you insomnia. Ceiling staring at 2am sucks.

Get counselling if you can afford it. Mine had no good answers but they get paid for you to complain about the world.

Sometimes your daughter is going to need to talk. You need to be there for her and talk, even if its 11pm and you want to go to bed.