It gets taken from me

Today should have been a good day. Promises of a picnic, hugs, love. A movie. Then someone to share my bed. Sex is out which I hate but at least there's comfort, touch. Just a short spell where I can pretend things are right.


She cancels. Needs to stay home. Doesn't trust herself, needs to get things done.

I held myself together for days thinking of this night. It never happened.


Had to go to the supermarket. Saw the head of the hospital there. I'm sure she has no idea who Polli was. I doubt she cares.

Bumped into my crazy ex neighbours. Nice enough people but they are nuts. The girl had cancer but shes fine now. Nice for them. I felt a touch of envy.

It all hit me after the supermarket. Just couldn't take it any more. I'm still sick and that's not helping.

I'm tired, depressed and alone. Again.

I tried saying I was having a hard time on facebook. Maybe people would reach out. No one did. Of course. Still trying to learn that one. Dear me, No one gives a fuck about the bad times. Please remember that in future.

I went out to talk to the night.
I asked why? Why is it that every little thing that's good, even the fleeting moments gets taken away from me. And why do I have to have reminders of the few things I had that I have lost. Why do I get them rubbed into my face? Why am I taunted so?


But of course there was no answer.


Sick of living this life. Sick of the emotional and physical pain. Sick of it all.